I don’t believe in love at first sight, unless it’s brick-and-mortar love. Photo courtesy of Ocala Horse Properties.

Are you even prepared for this slice of horsey heaven in Ocala? Whether you’re actively on the market for your dream home and equestrian business hub or, like me, you just like to dissociate from real life for a hot minute by browsing through real estate listings, this (not-so-little) ray of sunshine will tick all your boxes.

I’ve been to Boekelo. I know the first thing we’re all going to do is try to hang off those light fixtures. Photo courtesy of Ocala Horse Properties.

This is where we rewatch the Saddle Club and talk about ponies. I’ll be taking no further questions at this time. Photo courtesy of Ocala Horse Properties.

Let’s talk about this bright, airy living space, which screams “let’s sit and debrief at length over our rides today, because marginal gains are made over evening beers on kitchen islands” but also, let’s be real, absolutely bellows “let’s have an absolutely ginormous house party with all our fellow Ocala residents, because they’re all also big horse nerds and they truly do know how to embrace the sesh”. That’s very important to me when shopping for my dream house, so it’s a big tick right off the bat. Bonus points are also awarded to that jazzy spiral staircase, which will provide exactly the sort of adrenaline-fuelled challenge that any tipsy eventer will relish. Kick on!

The vibe is very ‘let’s just hit snooze, forever.’ Photo courtesy of Ocala Horse Properties.

I’m also very into the bedrooms, particularly this one, which truly lights my inner Marie Antoinette’s fire. A four-poster bed! In this economy! Let them eat cake, baby.

I’d like to see how clean the curb chains are next, please. Photo courtesy of Ocala Horse Properties.

I’m calling it now: they own a leaf-blower. Photo courtesy of Ocala Horse Properties.

You’re a horse person, though, so you’re not going to spend that much time in the house — the barn is, let’s be real, the most important thing. Straight away I’m looking at this bad boy and thinking, “you, my dear, are stunning, and I will never, ever sweep you as well as whoever’s living there currently.” But that’s okay, because this little stunner’s got the bone structure to pull off any look, including the stable yard’s equivalent of a messy bun, which is all I can offer to it, if I’m honest.

Post-dressage session dip, anyone? Photo courtesy of Ocala Horse Properties.

Oh, do you not have a lake at your current house? Gosh, that’s a shame. Let’s fix that for you. It’s Ocala, so while I can’t guarantee it’s not gator-free, I’m pretty sure the fine chaps at Ocala Horse Properties have probably checked that out.

Let’s talk about the details of this one, though, because it really is everything I daydreamed about when I was thirteen and thought I’d be on the property ladder by now. At nearly 137 acres, it’s got space — space for your horses to live their best lives, and space for your friends to do so, too. That’s helped along by some serious dwellings on site: the main residence is over 4,000 square feet and has a cheeky five bedrooms and four bathrooms, while there’s a detached garage with a one-bed, one-bath guest house for when your mother-in-law comes to stay. Not enough room for all your besties? Never fear: there’s also The Inn, which at nearly 5,000 square feet boasts a further eight (count ’em!) bedrooms, all with en-suite bathrooms, and its own convention centre. Imagine, for a moment, the extraordinary learning opportunities at a place like this, and then please consider inviting me to all of them.

Yes please. Photo courtesy of Ocala Horse Properties.

The equestrian facilities are enough to make me do a little cry, too: there’s another one-bed apartment out there, allowing plush privacy for a member of staff, and a five-stable isolation ward that’ll ensure your precious charges stay healthy and happy even with some comings and goings. The main barn has 25 spacious, well-ventilated stalls, plus a free walker and an aqua treadmill, which sounds pretty darn good to me in this heatwave. There’s also a state-of-the-art gallop track, perfect for fitness work, and you’ll be in close proximity to many of Ocala’s best stables and schooling facilities. It’ll set you back a cool $12,100,000, but we’re ready and waiting to plan the housewarming party of the century for you.

Want to take a closer look at this incredible place? Head over to the Ocala Horse Properties site for a video tour, loads more photos, and to register your interest in a viewing. We’ll race you there.

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